| A few jokes for our swimmers to enjoy...
Q: What kind of fish likes honey?
A: A BEAR-a-cuda!
Q: What do a dentist and a swim coach have in common?
A: They both use drills!
Q: Why was the swimmer so COLD at the big meet?
A: He couldn't find his heat!
Q: What kind of swimmer makes a good GARDENER?
A: One with great SEED times!
Q: Why do you keep doing the backstroke?
A: Because I've just had lunch and don't want to swim on a full stomach.
Teen and Masters section (or for those who have had basic
physics in school already!)
Laws of competitive swimming
UNIVERSAL LAWS AFFECTING COMPETITIVE SWIMMERS
(much like Sir Issac Newton's laws of motion)
 Law of Competitive
Gravity - When left unattended, a swimmer will gravitate to the
worst technique possible.
Law of Inertia -
A swimmer at rest will tend to remain at rest unless acted upon
by an outside force. A swimmer in motion will tend to rest as soon as
possible unless acted upon by an outside force.
Conservation
of Matter - Matter or Mass can niether be created nor destroyed,
except by 11-18 year old females, when it can magically appear in the
most inopportune places and quantities imaginable.
Opposition
Principle - When asked to kick rapidly, swimmers tend not to;
when told not to kick, swimmers tend to kick rapidly.
Space, Time Continuum
- When swimming Breaststroke or Butterfly in practice, swimmers
hands are attracted to the turning wall, each hand at a different speed,
at different times, at different points not in the same plane.
Laws of Acceleration
& Momentum - The law of acceleration may only apply for 3 minutes
after coach reminds swimmer it is important, then the law of Momentum
becomes dominant soon to be replaced by the law of Inertia.
Law of Static Levels
- Swimmers will automatically seek their own comfort level and
tend to attract others to so the same.
Mind over
Matter - The mind can overcome many obstacles during competition
but the same does not usually apply during practices.
Law of Finite
Attraction - Even after carefully explaining the efficiency and
effectiveness of an ideal stroke rate, within 3 minutes swimmer will invariably
lose the ability to count strokes and think about any related concept.
See similar anomaly under Law of Acceleration.
Relativity
- The position of the swimmer's body in relation to the position
it is supposed to be in, may vary up to + or - 100%.
Vertical
and Horizontal Telemetry - When rotated 90 degrees from the vertical
to supine or sublime position, the brain loses most of its ability to
function.
Historical
Principle of Babylon - Within 3 minutes of the start of coach
speaking, the swimmers begin hearing unrecognizable tongues. See similar
anomaly under Law of Finite Attraction.
Fluid Mechanics
- The amount of fluids the bladder can retain is directly proportional
to the difficulty of the middle of the current practice set. The same
principle seems to apply to ripping caps and broken goggle straps, but
no scientific evidence connecting the 3 has been documented. |
